2005 Posts

 09/28/05
MISS PERFECT FINALLY MAKES ME HAPPY!

I bet that sounds really bogus.  But yes, she finally did something to make me happy, except I don’t think she did it to make me happy. I think it might have been meant to upset me, who knows for sure.  All I know is, finally she said something I liked. All this time…all the waiting…she finally told her dad (referring to me, of course), “I don’t talk to her.”

Well, golly gee whiz, you don’t think I don’t know that yet? LOL, that’s stating the obvious. What was funny was that that actually upset her dad just a wee bit, enough to go “okay, whatever, bye” on the phone. If you want specifics on how this came about, let’s just say there was something she had to give him and he wasn’t home.  And she was leaving soon, and the only person there was me.  So she didn’t say anything to me, she just waited to call her dad on our cell phone and tell him about the thing she didn’t leave home for him.  So he asked her why she didn’t just give it to me or ask me where he was. And that was her answer…”I don’t talk to her.” Well, good for you, dear.  At least now it’s all in the open.  Finally she’s learning not to be such a hypocrite.  There must be at least one good seed among her friends now, I figure.

So anyway, I tell mom (hubby’s mom) about it and her jaw just dropped. And I told her, you know what, I’ve been past caring what people think for the longest time. This doesn’t bother me.  If anything, it’s a relief. I mean, come on, I’m not blind, I can see she doesn’t like me, and I don’t really care. I don’t live to please people, most people who know me know that. It’s just funny to me that she had to announce it. Yeah, show us once more what a brat you are…not that it’s anything new.

Mom and I agree on most things…we agree that we shouldn’t let things like this bother us one bit.  We are not here to make everyone like us. We just don’t waste time on people we don’t like.  That’s basically how it got so slow on this page.  I stopped caring, I stopped being bothered so much and I just didn’t feel like ranting so much anymore, even if there’d been so much bullcrap between now and the last time I wrote.

Shit happens.  So therefore stepkids happen. That’s just the way life goes. I KNOW they don’t talk to me.  Frankly, with what I’ve heard, from their conversations with friends, and even their dad, I’d rather they didn’t talk to me or I’ll go dumb. I’m glad they don’t talk to me, I hope they keep it up…and I hope that “I don’t talk to her” is a promise I can count on.  She probably won’t like it but it’s the best thing she can do for me. In fact, I would really like it if they all just disappeared for a while on my birthday. I don’t care to receive anything from them…just like they can’t expect to receive anything from me.

At least she’s learning something. Hypocrisy is tiring…if she wants less stress in her life, that’s one thing she can take out. I don’t talk to her, she doesn’t talk to me. Actually, that’s wrong grammar…I don’t talk WITH her.  You talk WITH someone and speak TO someone. So I don’t talk with her and according to her “she doesn’t talk TO me” and so therefore life is just perfect right now.  I just hope it continues this way.  Who needs all that shallow teen crap anyway?

One thing…I hope she’s not talking with me because she found this page, LMAO.  Now that would be a blast.  At least if she sees all this, she’ll know all the reasons I don’t communicate with her. What’s her excuse? Is it that dad is stricter now and they can’t just throw so much crap at him anymore?  Hmmm, makes me wonder.  Well, whatever it is, I wish I know what it was so I can keep doing it.
 
 
 3/29/2005
RED LIVING ROOM, GREEN KITCHEN, YELLOW BATHROOM

Yes, Miss Perfect strikes again. Yesterday she declared that she was repainting her room…which she repainted last spring break…a year ago. And then she went one step further and declared she was going to paint the whole house inside.  She wanted red living room walls, green kitchen walls, and yellow upstairs bathroom walls.  My hubby had to put his foot down, of course, and I just sat there in absolute horror at the headaches such colors would bring about.  I do love color, and I do wish for color everytime I look out the window in winter, but there is such a thing as too much and too loud.

So hubby kept telling Miss Perfect, she can repaint her room all she wants, that’s her space…but she can’t just say outright she’s going to paint the whole house. That is not something she has a say over.  Well, she started with the living room and the kitchen only.  Red living room walls and green kitchen walls…from where I sit I can almost see them clashing as there is not a doorway in between the kitchen and the living room…so the colors are going to have to meet somewhere on some wall.  And I think that would be terrible. Then she wanted to do the bathroom instead since she can’t do the living room and the kitchen.  Hubby said, fine, but white or beige only.  She said yellow.  I was vehemently shaking my head to tell hubby that that bathroom better not be yellow.  She said it’s a girls’ bathroom.  How she got to that conclusion, I don’t know.  There are as many males as there are females in this house and they use the bathroom too; one of the females, yours truly, would hate a yellow bathroom. And so hubby told her, you say it’s a girls’ bathroom, and there is another girl in the house; how about you ask her if she wants a yellow bathroom. Well, of course she wasn’t going to ask ME. So she instead stormed off saying our house is too boring…white walls and clutter…that she can’t wait to get her own house because she can’t stand how boring this house is anymore.

You know what, I can’t wait for her to get her own house either. If she thinks that her house is not going to be cluttered, she can think again…or simply look at her bedroom floor on any given day. Oh, wait…can’t see the floor, too much clutter.  She thinks she can do better, and I highly doubt it.  I can see her house now…all colors of the rainbow…can’t see the color of the carpets…sink very full…oh, and probably some curling iron still hot and placed on top of something plastic in the bathroom. I can see the house burning down too…some hair implement in the bathroom or something left on the stove. Yeah, I can’t wait for her to get her own house, that’s for sure.

As for the “boring” white walls…they’re not really white, they’re off-white or beige.  I’m sure the place can look more exciting, like what they do on those redecorating TV shows.  Like Miss Perfect said, red living room, green kitchen, yellow bathroom. While that might look good, that’s just not very flexible. In my opinion, off-white walls are very versatile, in that you don’t have to worry about your furniture clashing with the walls. Or the carpet not matching the walls. In fact it’s the safest color to use, I think. I do agree the place can use some sprucing up, but the most I would be willing to consider is using wallpaper with a bit of texture…still off-white or beige.  Those rooms that have been redone on TV, they all look good…they’re just not for me.

Another thing that Miss Perfect didn’t quite consider with the gaudy colors she wants…getting furniture, carpet and everything to match. For example, if we let her paint the living room red…the carpet is simply not going to go well with it.  Is she going to pay for new carpets?  The furniture isn’t going to match the walls either…is she paying for new furniture? The green kitchen idea…the color wood the counters and cabinets are just won’t look good on green walls. Is she paying to have those replaced as well?  Repainting them is out of the question, I know that.  There isn’t really much of a problem with things matching with yellow walls in the bathroom, but I really don’t like yellow walls.  All these gaudy repainting plans will require furniture replacement and recarpeting…I don’t think she’s going to be paying for those. And I sure as hell am not going to let hubby pay for that either.  We have other more important things to spend the money on.  The windows need replacing, the outside needs repainting, and we need a new mattress. Those things have been on the list of things to do for a while, and they got held back why?  Because Miss Perfect had to have braces put on her teeth…I honestly didn’t think it was all that urgent or all that necessary.  But hubby gave her that.  Oh, did I say she wanted a new entertainment center to go with her newly painted walls?  Hubby put his foot down on that too.  She also wanted a new computer desk.  Now, those 2 things cost hubby about $200…and they’re not old at all. I’d say maybe a year and a half old…so they’re not falling apart yet or anything like that.  It’s not like hubby bought them without asking her if she wanted them. She picked them out herself.

What boggles me the most about this whole thing is this…like I said, she just repainted her room a year ago, and she’s repainting again now.  So…WHY DOES SHE THINK SHE KNOWS WHAT COLORS ARE NOT BORING WHEN OBVIOUSLY SHE’S ALREADY BORED WITH THE COLOR CHOICE SHE MADE FOR HER BEDROOM LAST YEAR?  Well, gee, I guess she’s not really that good with choosing non-boring colors, now is she? Her room’s getting repainted again…that’s twice in the 2 years I’ve been here…how much are you willing to bet she’ll get bored of the red living room, green kitchen and yellow bathroom after a year? And all that talk about her dad being cluttered…well, gee, she’s not Miss Neat either. Everytime I have to go get the dishes she just doesn’t have time to put in the sink, it’s like going into a jungle or having an Easter egg hunt.  I almost expect a snake or a rabbit to jump out and bite me.  And she complains about the clutter some other people make.  Yup, she sure is Perfect.

It’s just so amazing that she would even think that she can dictate what color the other rooms of the house should be. There are 2 homeowners here and she’s not one of them. Common sense should tell anyone that if they don’t own the house, they don’t get to dictate such things…not even if they’re willing to pay for it.  Common sense should’ve told her that she should be thankful that her dad is spending money on her repainting her room yet again…and she will continue to have control over what color that room is until she moves out, at which time I fully intend to use it as my craft room or something.  Of course the walls are going to have to be repainted or papered over with a tamer color and/or design. And I’m probably going to get rid of the food-stained carpet of hers too.

I agree about the clutter part.  There is too much of it and hubby is just loathe to get rid of some of the things.  I do think that we could use the space they take up.  I don’t think though that anyone whose room is just about as cluttered has any right to rant about the mess that other people leave elsewhere.  That’s like a kettle calling the pot black…she can’t keep her stuff straight, she can’t have the right to complain about other people being messy too.  Common sense yet again…missing, obviously, in this situation.

I would like to have reason to like her…she’s just making it really impossible.  I like people who think before speaking or doing something, I like people with common sense. I don’t like pushy, gotta-be-cool, “A group” kind of people. I like people who don’t mind scrubbing the paint off the Tupperware container they used, especially when it didn’t take me much time or effort to do that. I like people who don’t try to carpet the laundry room floor with their clothes in an attempt to claim that their bedroom is neater now. I like people who are considerate enough not to leave stuff in the washer and/or dryer so other people can’t do their laundry when they need to.  I like people who don’t think that everyone else’s lives should revolve around them and that other people should work their schedules around their own. Basically I don’t like selfish, self-important, domineering people who keep talking nonsense.

And the final verdict is:  No red walls for the living room, no green walls for the kitchen, no yellow walls for the bathroom, not in my house, not without my permission or cooperation. It is MY house after all, she just happens to live here.  She wants to repaint someone’s house, she can do that to her mom’s place.
 
 
 2/6/2005
SHOPPING TRICKS FOR PARENTS OF TEENAGERS

In a letter to Time Magazine, a reader named Hart Sprager from Oregon summarized in a few words what I think of American children as a whole:  “People will never be happy so long as their greed exceeds their needs and they don’t comprehend the meaning of the word enough.”  That just about tells you what I think about teenagers and shopping for clothes every damn season. I think it’s wasteful, I think it’s unnecessary, and too many parents just give in or fall victim to tricks that end up with them buying the stuff anyway.

Just today we went to mall so Miss Perfect can pick out another outfit for a dance.  She said she needed a semi-formal outfit and her dad agreed to pay for it. Of course she wanted to go to the Mall of America but her dad didn’t allow that; so we went to a mall that was much smaller but nearer to home. Now, just recently, Miss Perfect told her dad she wanted to go shopping and that he doesn’t have to spend a lot on it. I’m guessing that by “not a lot” she meant around $300 as opposed to about $400 to $600 which I am guessing she’d consider a good shopping spree. He said no…and he asked when she was going to help around the depot again, which was how she used to get her money.  Lately none of the younger kids have been helping out and all they’ve been doing is asking for stuff from him.

I understand where he’s coming from. They’re not helping out, they’re not putting money in the bank, they’re not doing anything to give him any reason to splurge on a shopping spree.  Needless to say she didn’t like it. She said she won’t ask her mom to shell out some money for it because she’s broke.  Well, you know what, we’re not swimming in money either. Her mom doesn’t help out enough with the child support.  I highly doubt that the $80 per child per month pays for the utilities and the food that they consume. And of course let’s not forget this is the same mother who would not pay for hot lunches in school in the winter…or half of the piano lessons.

So…today we went to the mall with the intention of letting Miss Perfect pick out an outfit for the dance.  Hubby, younger stepson and I wandered around while Miss Perfect and a friend went shopping. After about an hour or so, hubby called up his darling daughter on her cell phone to ask how she was coming along.  Guess what, she had picked out a few tops, a skirt, a wallet, a pair of sandals and a small dress…the small dress was what she came for.  She said she only wanted “a few items more” and asked if he could pay for it. Hubby, forgetting the champagne taste that his daughter has, said yes.  When the cashier was ringing everything up, he was shocked to see that it all came out to just over $200. So…parents, always check the prices on stuff first before going to pay for them. If need be make a scene and tell your kid quite loudly that you’re not going to pay for all those things because that’s not what you came to the mall to get.

Now, the dress she picked out, as I expected, fell short of the general concept of semi-formal.  She never does seem to understand the difference between casual and semi-formal…or semi-formal and formal. And for someone who apparently keeps up with the times as far as fashion is concerned, that’s quite a surprise.  How can she not know, with all those fufu magazines she reads?  What the hell is she learning from them?  How to spend more of her dad’s money on stuff she will only wear once and then throw on the floor to walk on?

I don’t quite see the need to get a $15 wallet, a $50 dress (which is not worth it judging from the amount of fabric used), and other stuff that just cost too much per piece.  I don’t quite see the need to go to certain stores and pay top price for baby tees the likes of which can be bought elsewhere a lot cheaper.  I don’t quite see why anyone should pay top dollar to advertise the store. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?  If they’re getting advertising, they should be the ones paying the customers to display their brand on their clothes.

Anyway, so, like I said, before saying “yes” to paying for stuff, especially if it’s not the stuff that you went to the store to get, check the prices.  Chances are the fewer items there are, the more expensive each item is. Your teenager knows just which buttons to push, and how far they can go without getting into serious trouble.  Also remember how ungrateful they can be right after you get them the stuff they like. It’s not like anything changes.  They still refuse to clean their rooms, do their laundry or do anything that can be considered a favor for you, never mind what you just did for them.

My second tip would be…if it’s just one item that the kid is supposed to get, hang around. Make sure it’s the right type of item, make sure that’s the only item that’s getting picked up.  There’s nothing like discovering later on, after you’ve waited a few hours, that what they picked out isn’t really appropriate or tasteful.  Stick around. You’re paying, you should have your say in it.  If they don’t like it, let them pay for it. If they can’t pay for it, bummer.  Bottomline is, you’re holding the money, you’re in control. You don’t have to give in if you don’t feel like it. Sure, things are going to be rough at home, but then again, they almost always are with teenagers around.

My third tip is…stay in town.  This is prone to make your teenager whine a lot more but you know what, you don’t have to drive so far to spend so much money on stuff  you think cost more than they’re worth. So why not save some gas and stay in town?  If there are no shops in town that sells the type of clothing/item that your child wants, your child can learn to just choose with what’s there.  Chances are, he/she will find something that will tide him/her over anyway, and it’s still not going to be exactly appropriate for the occasion, I assure you.

Letting a teenager pick out their clothes without paying for those things themselves is BOGUS. They want to choose what they wear, they want to choose where to buy them, they can damn well pay for it each time.  My hubby remembers a time last year that Miss Perfect made a statement about not ever going shopping at the mall again and staying in town because she can get more for her money that way. Hmmm, that sure lasted a long time, huh? That was before summer and by fall she was back at the mall, wasting her birthday money on a few choice items that I bet she’s not using anymore. And by Halloween, she didn’t have any money left for a costume.

Let your kids work for their money, let them spend their own money shopping. The earlier they learn that things are not cheap and they have to work long and hard to get those things they really like, the sooner they’ll realize that they can make do with cheaper stuff that’s not as hip but not too bad either. In fact I am proud to say that I shop at secondhand stores, and I hunt for the clothes that don’t show much wear. I buy and wear the same brand clothes that Miss Perfect wears, but of course I don’t pay as much for them.  In fact just a month ago, I came out of such a store with about 17 items and it didn’t cost me $50 to get them all. I don’t settle for mediocre either, I choose what I wear, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay so much for each of them.

But then again, I grew up in a different time, a different place and a different financial situation.  My parents were paying for private schooling and there was no money for allowance. I got 2 new sets of clothes a year on the average and my mom was always hunting for bargains.  Well, I don’t think that we’re in such a different financial situation. It’s just that these kids are going to public school and in this country, it’s free. If they were going to private school as I did, their dad wouldn’t even consider buying them stuff they WANT and not need.

What’s so annoying is that she’s never happy with what she’s got.  Every few months, she gets tired of the stuff that she spent so much money on.  What the hell is that?  It’s a wasteful life is what it is. She doesn’t outgrow every item she bought the season before.  She doesn’t use them all more than once.  They just end up on her bedroom floor or the laundry room floor or some friend’s house. If she’s going to be so careless with these things, why the hell spend so much on them?  I pay $10 tops for most of my stuff but you won’t see them lying around like that.  I wouldn’t walk on them even if I got them for a quarter at a garage sale.  How many mini-skirts does one person need anyway? I’ve seen her do a whole load of jeans…she has more than a dozen pairs.  Who on earth needs a dozen pairs of jeans?  They all look about the same to me, too.  Who needs a dozen pairs of jeans that look the same?

My husband laments how she can’t get into the habit of doing her laundry regularly since she seems to make a habit of making a carpet of dirty clothes in the laundry room.  I told him, the more clothes she has, the less motivation there is to do laundry. The more clothes she has, the more she has to wear before she’s forced to do the laundry.  You would think that someone with so many clothes won’t ever run out of things to wear.  But no, she does run out. Again, this is because she doesn’t do her laundry regularly.  And that is because she just keeps on getting more clothes. It’s a vicious cycle, and no parent should have to feed it.

So my thinking is, if the shopping habit can’t be curbed…threaten to give away all the dirty clothes that are laying around for more than 3 days. Or better yet, do give some away.  Chances are, they won’t even notice because they have way too much of everything that they just can’t keep track of their things anymore.

I pity the parents of teenagers, I really do.  I pity the parents of teenage girls more. I pity the teenagers who just can’t get satisfied. I still say they should be sent over to the Philippines to live in the slums for a couple of weeks.  Then maybe they will learn to be thankful for what they have and stop wanting more of the same every now and then. I pity the teenagers who get depressed because they can’t go shopping, they can’t spend as much as they want shopping, they can’t buy the number of items they want because they buy expensive stuff. Cluelessness seems to be rampant, and that’s just really pathetic.  I just hope they didn’t get it from parents.

Again, parents, listen up: look at the price tags before offering to pay for anything, be firm and just get what you set out to get (don’t let the kid get some other stuff that’s not needed), stay in town (save gas, save yourself a headache and probably a few bucks that make up the difference in the prices of clothes), give away some of the clothes you see laying around since your kid is probably not going to miss it anyway, don’t buy your kids more clothes than they will ever need in a 2-week period.  That way if they go without washing their clothes for close to 2 weeks they will be forced to do the laundry before going out again. That way you won’t see the stuff you paid good money for just laying around getting stepped on.

Just say NO. They teach that in school, and I’m sure your kids use that on you quite a bit. You can return the favor.  And until they’re really nice to you on a regular basis, don’t even think of mentioning shopping.  If you go shopping, it’s for an important occasion like their birthday.  Set a limit…$150 should be plenty, just tell them to look in the right places so they can get more for their money. They’ll tell you you’re mean.  You’re not mean.  They’re mean. They make you buy stuff you don’t like, stuff they’ll get tired of in a couple of months. They want you to pay so much so they can waste your money. They’re mean, not you. Keep that in mind and you’ll keep your kids under control where shopping is concerned. It is not your obligation to take your kids shopping.  Your obligation is to provide your kids with food, shelter and clothing. But only the necessary ones. They don’t have to be the ones choosing what food, what kind of house or what clothes.  You could be feeding them broccoli all day everyday and you’ll still be fulfilling your obligation to give them food. Remember, the bare necessities, that’s all you’re obliged to provide.  Let them work for the rest of what they want.  Or let them learn to live without…that’s better anyway in the long run.
 
 
 2/6/2005
MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO

Yeah, yeah, I know what you parents are thinking.  I’m not a parent myself, why do I dare lecture you? Simple.  You’re way too close to the situation and it’s hard for you to see the things that are right in front of your nose.  I, on the other hand, have this unique (not really) advantage of not having that unconditional love and blind faith that you seem to have for your children.  I see things from an unbiased perspective.  And also sometimes I’m speaking as someone’s grownup child; I didn’t just spring from the earth like a mushroom, after all.

The one thing that really boggles me is how some parents can try to tell their kids to do one thing and then…AND THEN…they themselves do the opposite or tell their kids a story of when they didn’t do that themselves.  “Do as I say, not as I do” doesn’t really work with kids. I know that for a fact and from experience.  I don’t know where parents get the idea that it does. Whatever you tell your kids, if they don’t see the same thing from you, they’re not going to learn to do it, or want to do it.

I’m not saying all parents have to be model citizens.  That’s like expecting a cow to lay duck eggs. But they should try to be, at least in their children’s eyes, as close to perfect as possible. Don’t tell your teenage son how you as a teenager got away with stealing things from cars that were left unlocked, and then expect the kid to be wise enough not to try that. All the kid will understand is, “Hey, dad/mom got away with it, I bet I can too” or “Hey, they did it, why can’t I even try it once?” Don’t tell your kid to pick up stuff from their bedroom floors when you leave stuff all over the floor all over the house. It’s truly pointless.

I’m sure teenage kid will never admit that they’re is imitating their parent/s.  In fact they will most probably claim they’re trying to be and do the exact opposite.  But it’s not really something they have a choice in.  It’s more like, it’s what they see, and what they’re used to, and so therefore it’s what they inadvertently do. It’s always the concept that they can get away with what their parents get away with.  If a parent avoided getting drafted by travelling all around the world for half a year, that parent doesn’t really have the right to complain about a son who won’t sign up with Selective Services until threatened to be kicked out of the house.  I just can’t feel sorry for parents who complain about their kids regarding traits that they themselves have.  I keep my mouth shut a lot of times, but sometimes I do feel like saying something like, “Oh, you mean your kid is just like you?”

I think there is a time and place for sharing with kids what stupid and silly things the parents did in their youth. And there are other things that their kids are better off not knowing even when they’re all grown up and somewhat mature.  I do appreciate some parents’ need to be honest with their kids, but I still do think some discretion wouldn’t hurt anyone.  If anything, it’s the overly done “honesty” that ruins whatever respect the kids have for their parents.  I’m sure every kid knows their parents are far from perfect. But it sure would help the parents enforce certain rules if the kids didn’t know exactly what they can throw back at their parents so they don’t have to do the things their parents want them to do. I’ve seen it time and again. Hey, kid, clean your room. Sure, dad, after you clean the living room.  What exactly do you say to that?  Kid’s got you there.  I’m not encouraging one-upmanship…but I think parents should always be at least one step ahead of their kids.

How can a parent expect their kid not to shout at them when the kids see them shouting at the grandparents?  Where exactly is the logic in that?  I can shout at my parents but you can’t shout at me.  HUH?  How can a parent expect kids to respect their grandparents when they see the parent always yelling at the grandparents? Or when the parent keeps ranting about the grandparents to the kids?  I’m sorry, but I don’t think adults should at all argue in front of children. And if they have issues, I don’t think it’s something to be shared with the kids.  Honesty is good, but there should still be a line drawn between the things that kids should see and know, and what they can live without.  And so as not to be biased, I think grandparents shouldn’t talk bad about the parents to the kids either.  That doesn’t do any good at all.  I think freedom of speech is good, I think honesty is good, but I think good judgment always rules there.

You only get back what you give. If your kids are treating you lousily, maybe you’re a doormat. Maybe they know too much about you to have any respect left for you. Maybe they know you don’t believe what you preach. Not everything is to be blamed on outside influence.  A lot of times it’s how the kids are raised.  That’s the foundation of who they are, after all.  If you think your kids don’t listen to you and don’t take your threats of punishment seriously, think back.  Did you really ever follow through with those threats?  Sometimes all it takes is one time for them to realize you mean business. If all those past threats were empty threats, no wonder they don’t take you seriously. Your kids can’t accept that you’ve changed the rules?  Maybe you’ve let them get away with it so long it’s just not believable that you’d be willing to work on changing stuff around.

So before you go ranting to someone about your kids and all their faults, stop and think.  Or better yet, ask your own parents if you were or still are the same. It’s really hard to see your own traits…and besides it would really be something different to ask the people who would have about the same perspective with regards to you as you do with regards to your own kids.  Or ask an outsider (stepparent or someone like that) who sees your daily life, knows all the parties involved, and can give a balanced view of things.  And also, learn to handle the truth gracefully if you do discover that you are just like your kids. Nothing you can do about what other people see…it might be hard to accept but you know deep down they can see more clearly that you ever will, so deal with it.

You don’t want your kids picking up your vices?  Then don’t indulge when in their presence.  Your vice is illegal? All the better reason not to rub the fact in your kids’ faces. You think kids should have enough sense not to try it? Maybe they do, but it does get them mixed up when the parent, who is an adult, apparently doesn’t have the same wisdom to stay away from it…so why should they who are much younger be expected to be wiser? Sure, your kids might be taught what they need to learn in school, but if what they see at home is the exact opposite and a lot easier to do, what do you think they’ll choose?  It’s a matter of thinking things like that through. It’s probably tiring at first, but one gets used to it. And parents could save themselves a lot of headache in the future by thinking things through like that.

Also, visuals are generally more powerful than audible stuff.  There is a game one of my uncles played with us kids when we were younger.  He’d tell us to touch the part of our faces he tells us to touch no matter what part of his face he touches.  So it’s “nose, nose, nose…” while he’s beeping his nose, then he’d shift to a different part of the face. He might say “cheek” and touch his eye…and we’re supposed to touch our cheek because that’s what he SAID.  But watching him, one can easily get distracted and touch the eye too, because that’s what he DID. What is being done is much easier to pay attention to than what is being said. That’s all there is to it.

Monkey see, monkey do. So be a good big monkey and SHOW the little monkeys the right ways to do things. Save yourself some trouble…don’t talk much, because little monkeys don’t really like to listen. Also, if you talk too much, little monkeys tend to tune you out. Do more, talk less, talk softer.
 
 
 2/2/2005
COOL = HUGE WASTE OF MONEY + CONFORMITY

It would seem I’m on a roll where making enemies is concerned. I do not intend to infuriate a lot of people but the non-conformist in me wants to blast those who, in my eyes, are not thinking too clearly. Today’s target: teenage iPod users. I know it’s immensely popular, I know it’s “hot”.  I just think it’s stupid. And I will explain.

Those who have read my previous entries will again find themselves reading about someone I’ve ranted about before. Yes, Miss Perfect is back. And here’s the new deal: some greedy teenager, or maybe a bunch of them came up with a new way to mooch off their parents…Easter gifts. I highly doubt that there are parents who actually have this tradition of giving gifts on Easter. If there are, my apologies but it just sounds phony. I assume that the circle of friends Miss Perfect belongs to concocted this whole concept and they all went home that same day telling their parents this wild tale about their other friends getting gifts from their parents on Easter. Now, as a friend pointed out to me, the whole point of giving gifts on Christmas is to sort of imitate what the wise men did when they found the baby Jesus.  That’s where the gift-giving came from.

If Miss Perfect wants to really get into the spirit of Easter, I am willing to bury her on Good Friday and then check to see if she’d managed to escape from the cave on Easter Sunday. I’ll be nice; I won’t have her die on the cross first. Now THAT is more in the spirit of Easter than gift-giving. Anyway, she intended to get a gift from her dad and another from her mom.  Can you guess what she wanted from her dad? Yes, a $400 iPod.  I’ll bet $400 it’s because one of her friends actually has one…time to keep up with the crowd, you know.

So now we finally get to the part where I rant about the iPod and the apparent lack of common sense of anyone who has one. Well, if you’re super rich, do go away, what you do with your money is your business.  But those of you who are regular folks, you might want to see why I think the whole iPod craze is stupid. An ad for Napster in PC Magazine says it all. I don’t know if it’s legal for me to post the said ad here so I’ll try my best to describe it instead. On top of the page, in big print it said “Do the math.” In smaller print underneath it it said “How much will it cost to fill up your player?”  And then imagine these next lines with pictures: “iTunes (Apple logo) + 10,000 songs to fill an iPod (picture of iPod) = $10,000″.  Then the next line: “Napster to Go (with logo) + Your choice of a million songs to fill your compatible MP3 player (with picture of Dell Pocket DJ, Creative Zen Micro and iRiver H10 all together) = $15 a month”.

Wow, huh!  I mean, think of it…a teenager with an iPod.  Songs become passé so fast, with all those half-talented boy bands, girl bands, slutty actresses, thug wannabes, releasing records so often like they actually are that good. A teenager, for the sake of coolness will want to fill up all 30gb or whatever size storage his/her iPod has.  Let’s just estimate (generously) that a song is about 6mb in size.  That will give us 5,000 songs in 30gb…$5,000 worth. Even if the kid just fills it up to 3gb, that’s $500 right there…on top of the price of the iPod itself. Do parents really want to shell out so much on something that’s just going to be another passing fancy in their teenager’s life? Take an MP3 player other than an iPod, get a subscription to Napster to Go for $15/month.  Sure, the music in Napster to Go is “rented” but heck, these teenybopper songs are going to get old fast anyway and the kids won’t want to keep it after a few weeks. At least it will take a while to rack up $500 that way.

Okay, first I must ask, what kid needs to have that many songs on hand at any time?  If I base my observations on how my stepkids live their typical day, I would say they don’t really have that much time to spend listening to music on a portable player. They go to school, they’re supposed to listen to their teachers during class, they typically talk each other’s ears off during their free time…they come home, they watch TV, yak on the phone, when they feel like it they do homework, they have their boomboxes or computers nearby.  I’d say they have maybe a couple hours free to listen to music.  If they’re home, there’s absolutely no reason they can’t do that with the more conventional devices.  If they’re chatting with friends online, there is absolutely no reason they can’t listen to songs on the computer.  If they’re elsewhere and they’re not moving about, I don’t see why a Discman with MP3 playback (plus a few audio and MP3 CDs) can’t do the job. If they’re elsewhere and moving about, I would think they’d need to keep their ears open for one reason or another. If they’re jogging or something like that, they should keep their ears open for potential traffic issues.  If they don’t want to play it safe while jogging, well, there are a whole lot of really small and handy MP3 players that will handle as much as 1gb worth of songs.  And I gb worth of songs should be enough for jogging; I don’t know anyone who jogs for more than 10 hours straight.

Having said all that…what is the point in getting an iPod? Yeah, it looks cool, it’s hip because all the ads say so, and some people just need to “fit in”. Well, it’s a sad thing that nowadays fitting in means spending so much money needlessly on something that will most probably not seem so cool not too far down the road.  I just think that people are getting more spoiled, unwilling to compromise or improvise, and very superficial.  Yeah, so a Discman is bulky, so it’s even bulkier when there are a bunch of CDs in the backpack. Well, you know what, the songs I like I can sing or hear in my head when I want to.  Try to develop your imagination, that will help you a lot.  And then try to realize that being “cool” is nothing other than being ordinary. You are ordinary because you want the same things that a lot of other people want. You are ordinary because you think the same way that most people do. You are ordinary because you can’t come up with better and more economically feasible ways of amusing yourself. You are ordinary because you can’t get it through your head that maybe, just maybe you can start your own trend and it doesn’t have to cost you a cent.  I am uncool…and I”m proud of it.  At least I’m different and I’m not afraid to think in a different direction.  I have imagination and I can dream up things you never will in a century.  I can live without the silly products that TV ads push in my face because I know I’m way beyond wanting them.  I’m uncool, and if you have an iPod, just think that I’ve saved at least $300 of my money by not being a sucker like you.
 
 
 1/31/2005
THE HIGH AND MIGHTY

There is one thing to be thankful for when your site doesn’t generate a whole lot of traffic because with all the blog sites out there, it’s really hard to find one that’s not on a “proper” blog site.  And I say this because I know if a lot of people read what I’m about to write, I’m going to have a lot of new enemies. But like I always say, I don’t advertise this site, and I don’t tell people to come here (except maybe a few family members and really good friends). So if you don’t like what I’m saying, buzz off.  Go get your own website, or register at one of those popular blog sites and rant all you want like I’m doing here.

Of course we all heard of the horrific tsunami and its effects on lives and property in Asia.  And yes, I do feel sorry for the victims, but at the same time I’m quite glad the Philippines wasn’t affected by it directly…at least not in a big way. So now we get to the part where I’ll most likely make some enemies of those who actually read the crap I write.

It was big news that it took the US a couple of days or so to react to the tragedy, to say how sorry the administration is, how they feel for the victims, etc, etc, etc.  It was also big news that initially the US pledged only $15 million to aid in the global effort to help out the nations that were hit.  The US got a lot of flak for pledging such a “small” amount of money considering how big and powerful the country is. And there were of course some Americans who didn’t take that too lightly.  I read the following in the January 31, 2005 issue of Time magazine:

“…and the US is criticized for not giving more.  Don’t we in the US contribute enough to the world?…If the same disaster were to strike the US, would other nations give as much as we have?”

I think this person (who shall remain unnamed, here at least) has the same darn problem as maybe half the US population has.  Having been here a couple of years, and having been online for at least 5 years, I’ve seen all the different types of people that live in this country. And I hate to say it but a lot of people are just so full of themselves.  They are so “We’re Americans, we’re stronger than you”, “We live in the richest country, be thankful for what we give to your country”, “We speak English, you should too”. There’s this whole irrational “macho” thing going on…and it’s so disgusting when you see it up close.

I totally understand the whole concept of “proud to be American”, but I think when it says “proud” it means “not ashamed”, not “haughty and self-important though lacking in intelligence and understanding of how the rest of the world works”.  I don’t think a lot of people get that. I don’t know if it’s just the way they were raised to think or the society they live in or what, but whatever it is, it sucks big time. It’s time for some people to come back down to earth and see the imperfections that are right in front of them.

They wonder why the US is being criticized for pledging only $15 million to start with…I don’t wonder about that at all. When American tourists go around acting like the natives of the countries they go to absolutely NEED to please them and make them comfortable because they’re Americans, when they insist on speaking English when others can’t understand them instead of them trying (albeit comically) to speak the native tongue as a sign of goodwill and humility when they’re outside of the US, when they go around thinking they’re the most superior people on earth, how can they expect people not to think that they can give more?  Some Americans do go around like that, like they absolutely rule everywhere they go…like everything is so cheap and they can buy it just like that…like everyone has to have the same form of government and the same religion and what have you.  When that’s what other people see, the impression is $15 million in aid is pocket change. While it might have been wrong for anyone to criticize anyone else for how much or how little help they are willing to give, no one can really blame people for thinking that the mighty and all-powerful US government can spare more than just $15 million to help a bunch of third world nations. It’s like, hey, if you’re so rich and powerful, surely you can give more. I can totally understand that mentality.

I think if certain Americans don’t want other people to think that the country is rich enough to give a lot more, they need to change their whole attitude when dealing with foreigners.  For starters, there’s a lot of room for improvement in the humility department.  Personally I think all junior high or middle school students should be required to spend a week at least in some third world country just to get exposed to the really different lifestyle. And I don’t mean they get to stay at hotels and eat at fastfood places, then spend an hour in the slums. I mean, get really immersed in a typical third world country “below the poverty line” way of life, all day, all night, non-stop.  No air-conditioning in the house…no real house to speak of, just a one-room shack.  No bed, just homemade mats to roll on the floor (soil), if there are any at all.  No proper toilets, just a hole in the ground somewhere. No water pipes, just a well some yards away where there’s a line of people with buckets, basins, jars, etc. No fastfood, just whatever the people grow for the purpose of eating it…and yes, they need to experience at least killing a chicken…see how they react to fried chicken when they get back to the US.  No TV, video games, movies, shopping at the mall, cell phones, fashion magazines, designer clothes, school bus, and whatever they take for granted and for some reason assume that everyone else in the world has as well.

That might seem harsh…but it’s not.  It’s not harsh, it’s reality for some people. While people here are spending $30-50 on one item of clothing, even a lot more for the more affluent, in some places $50 is someone’s wage for the whole month. While some people here throw away half-eaten fruits and some other food they’d barely touched, some other people elsewhere are happy just to have a cup of rice and a pinch of salt once a day.  While some people have a TV set with cable or satellite channels in every room in their houses here, there are people elsewhere that are thrilled that their village finally has one TV set with one or two channels in the town hall.  Sure, “be thankful for what we give you poorer countries”…how about “be thankful you’re not in those poorer countries, and share some of your blessings”?
I’ll bet one thing…those people who are complaining about how much the US already has helped every other nation on earth are the same people who don’t ever give to charity.  They say “we” but they’re not really part of the “we” who are making an effort to help those less fortunate. If they don’t want people thinking the US can give more, then maybe they should do something to change the impression that Americans give. Maybe if they didn’t act like god’s gift to mankind, things would be different. Just a thought.
 
 
 1/28/2005
WHAT STEPKIDS DON’T GET

It’s amazing how some people just can’t seem to understand why you don’t like them or why you’re not bonding with them at all. I have been compared to the other stepparent, who did all sorts of things with the stepkids while the parent was busy. In a way my husband was right, he wasn’t that busy and there really was no need for me to be doing all sorts of stuff with them.  With our work schedule, hubby has enough time to do all sorts of stuff with them, saving me the trouble of having to fill in.

But more importantly, the reason I’m not bonding with people I am expected to bond with is that I don’t want to. I’m not just being a spoiled brat; I’m not saying I don’t want to just because I don’t want to.  What they don’t get is how my attitude towards them is directly affected by their attitude towards their dad and their grandparents.  I tend to dislike the people who disrespect the people I like. If I am indifferent towards someone, there is a good reason for it.

I think they should be thankful I haven’t snapped at them big time.  Sure, when I first came here it was made clear that where I came from, this kind of behavior is not tolerated.  What I saw and heard made me want to smack them right across the face, and if it were my brother and I were back in the Philippines, he would have gotten smacked. But this is America, the land where kids tell the parents how to run their own households and it’s “bad” to spank the child. If anyone ever complains to me about how their kids misbehave, they should be ready to see me shake my head and roll my eyes. If they’re lucky, I won’t say “DUH!!!”

I don’t warm up to kids who think they’re perfect. I don’t like kids to talk back or yell at their parents and grandparents.  There are certain tones I don’t think any parent or grandparent should hear from a kid. There is a certain limit to the language kids should use with their elders. These kids are absolutely lacking in respect, and I have used up all my patience to just keep my mouth shut and let it all pass.  And no matter how many times they are told to get rid of the attitude or to show more respect, nothing changes.  And yet they wonder why I’m not getting any closer to them. DUH!

I’m not saying I was a model child.  I’m sure there were times when I showed less respect than I should have.  Yet I know that I didn’t swear at my parents.  I never told them I’m f**king tired of them over and over again.  I didn’t tell them to go f**k themselves when they’re trying to tell me to follow the rules in their house.  And I certainly didn’t have to talk back everytime they reprimand me. Also, at 15, I didn’t make plans on my own and expect my parents to drop what they’re doing to drive me around.  And I didn’t go about planning to buy stuff I don’t really need and expect my parents to pay for it all.

They all talk too much, they all talk too loud, and they’re all smart-mouthed. What is there to like about them?  The youngest, I’m still quite hopeful he’ll turn out better. The two older ones…I don’t care, I really don’t. One refuses to do things the right way even if his way has been proven time and again to be inefficient.  He has a big problem with following rules here and elsewhere, and frankly I don’t see him holding a decent job for a long time.  No boss can tolerate such bullheaded, unreliable and ignorant employees too long.  I don’t see him doing anything to improve himself in any way.  I don’t even see him getting out of high school.  And he dares think he knows better than his dad…SURE.

The other thinks so highly of one parent and totally disregards the other. She wouldn’t take her dad’s advice, but she’d do a 180° turn to please her mom.  I don’t care so much about that, except her dad said she’s smart. Smart to me would be thinking about the logic behind things before making a decision, and sticking to that decision because all other choices have been proven to be the wrong ones…not just listening to someone all the time, no matter what.  That is called “not having a backbone.” And not having a backbone is definitely not smart.

I am just so glad I’m not their mother.  Although if I were their mother, they most probably would have turned out way different. They would have turned out to be a lot more well-behaved, that’s for sure.  There would have been a lot of things they know from day 1 that I won’t tolerate…there would have been the fear of the threat of punishment. There might have been one instance that the punishment was given, and that would have been enough.

If any one of these kids come up to me and ask me why I don’t like him/her, I will simply say, listen to yourself talk to your dad and your grandparents, then you’ll know.

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