Q&A 2

FOR AN ALL-EXPENSE-PAID, ONE-WEEK VACATION ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO KILL A BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY BY PULLING OFF ITS WINGS? WHAT ABOUT STEPPING ON A COCKROACH? (05/12/06)

Unless that butterfly is endangered, I probably won’t think twice about it. As for stepping on a cockroach, it helps that I’ve done it countless times before. A typical American female might find it repulsive and very disgusting. I have had roaches fly at me, land on me, etc and I have no qualms about stepping on them at all. And just to disgust anyone who’s prone to be disgusted, I like to step on them until I hear something snap…and sometimes I make sure the head is detached from the rest of it. There, I said it. If I kill 52 cockroaches, can I go on an all-expense-paid one-year vacation?

Well, from my answer above, the beautiful creature didn’t really merit more compassion than the ugly one. So therefore the first question does not apply. I don’t think it damages us psychologically to destroy something beautiful. There is just this widespread idea that beautiful things take more effort to make. But we have to keep in mind that that’s a human way of thinking, and sometimes humans do take longer to make more beautiful things. Let us keep in mind too that nowhere is it said that whoever created everything around us took longer to make the prettier things, or that he/she/it even made all these things individually. Who knows, all bugs, both ugly and pretty, might have evolved from a single creature. Then some of them went on to become prettier and more fragile and then some uglier and stronger. I don’t think it’s meaningful at all, the difference between pulling the wings off an insect and stepping on it. I just would rather not pull the wings off a roach if I have to touch it with my bare hands. If I have tools, sure, for a one-week vacation, I would. The decision of how to kill something is quite minor, yes, unless we’re talking about humans, and then you probably will want to make sure you do it in such a way that nothing points to you after all is done.

My first impulse is to say, for the good of many sometimes one must be sacrificed. But after a few more moments of thinking about it, I probably won’t be willing to do that. Warning to most people: the following statements might sound callous and offensive. Let us consider for a moment the causes of world hunger. First thing that comes to mind is overpopulation. Let us at least be honest and admit that the whole reason there is food shortage in some parts of the world is that there are too many people and not enough food to go around. While I’m not saying that these people are all at fault for their areas being short on food, there is a certain level of inability to use what resources there are in the vicinity to either produce food or earn money to buy food. If overpopulation is the problem, morals aside, wouldn’t the solution be for there to be fewer people in the said places so there are a lot fewer people to share what little there is? What I believe to be the second cause of world hunger is the fact that with all the advances in science and medicine, most of the diseases that used to keep the numbers down now have cures or vaccines and people have found ways to live longer. I do not propose to get rid of all the vaccines and cures but perhaps distribute them in such a way that it does not encourage overpopulation in some areas. That is, if the place is already crowded, it might not be the best place to spread the cure. That’ll give people 2 options. First, let the sick die and feed the healthier ones (like most animals do) and then maybe procreate less too…and second, leave the area for “greener pastures” which just might result in a better distribution of population per square mile, which might mean more food to go around for everyone. Humans have advanced so much that sometimes I think it’s to our disadvantage. Nature shows us that the rest of the animal world do not nurture their sick and weak like we do. The sick and weak fall prey to other animals or are left behind to fend for themselves. then the healthier ones get the food and live on. Survival of the fittest. Humans are “smarter” and so therefore we have decided that everyone has the right to live. But we never really stop and think about what price we pay for keeping everyone alive as much as possible. All the money being spent on keeping some people alive with expensive drugs and procedures…that much less spent on basic needs for others. In my mind there should be fewer people all around. That would end world hunger.

Three words: SORRY, WRONG NUMBER.

My most treasured memory is that of a dream. I dreamt I was at a party and then my grandpa came, wearing his usual thin white t-shirt and PJ bottoms. He didn’t say anything, but we waltzed. I honestly don’t remember hugging him, ever, although I probably did when I was younger. And it felt good dancing with him because it was a chance to be close to him. Also I didn’t get to celebrate my 18th birthday like most do, and I didn’t have the “18 roses” waltz where traditionally I would have gotten to waltz with my grandpa, my dad, my brother, etc. I also didn’t have the “normal” wedding with the “normal” wedding reception which would have been yet another chance to dance with him. So that dream basically made up for all those lost opportunities. What made this dream even more special was, I dreamt this a few hours before my mom called me up to tell me that my grandpa has passed away. So in my mind, that was his way of saying goodbye to me. I had an inkling after I left that I will not see him alive again. And it felt bad knowing that he waited up to see me and Scott one more time before we left, and it didn’t happen. The dream made me feel better and provided something of a closure.

Yes, of course. I hated this kid I grew up with, a boy about 3 years younger than me who had nothing better to do with his time than annoy the girls while we play. We tried to beat each other up anytime we were around each other and this went on for at least 2 years. We did talk later on, after he’d come out of the closet and grown up a bit, but I still didn’t like him. There was this girl the first time I went to college, a wannabe who honestly thought she was all that…she had an attitude I couldn’t stand. It got so bad that one time my friends felt the need to take me out for a walk before I beat her up. Now, there is the older stepson who is stupidity personified. At 17 he believed that a meadow was a big lake. He put a crockpot on a hot stove to boil water either late last year or early this year, and of course broke the thing and still hasn’t replaced it. He’d gone off the road or hit a deer in his grandpa’s car at least 6 times in the past 3 years. Of course he never shouldered any of the expenses incurred by these moments of stupid driving (which he claimed happened when he was driving at a reasonable speed given the road conditions…yeah right!). He would not let anyone in his room or touch his stuff but he thinks nothing of taking other people’s things (especially his dad’s) without asking for permission or sleeping in his brother’s room while the kid is elsewhere. He would claim to share his groceries with everyone, eat most of the eggs his dad bought, and complain when his dad cooks up some of the ones he bought for himself…so much for sharing. He thinks that he can afford to live alone in an apartment, pay the bills and still eat the way he does on minimum wage. Uh huh. As for how long I’ve hated him…since I knew him, still do now, and will continue to do so until such time that he grows a brain.

In either case I’d rather have the money I can keep for myself. Call me selfish, but if I had the money to give anonymously to others, it will have me wondering. Why can’t someone else do it, and why can’t I be one of the later recipients instead? I can think of a million things to do with the money. There’s places inside and outside the house that needs repair or remodeling. I could, with $1,000,000, convince my hubby that we can afford to have a kid of our own, and that might take my mind off of the imperfections of his kids (LOL!). I could use a real craft room. There’s just so many things I can use the money for. I can get my whole family here with the cool million…set them up and all. I deserve the money as much as anyone else. If I’m to give it away to others, I would want to keep some to myself. So between giving it away and keeping it to myself, I’d rather keep it. You can’t blame me for being honest, now can you?

Short answer: I’ll probably max out my credit cards trying to get to the most obscure place in the world, or as close to it as I can. The fewer people there are in a place, the less likely to be bombed, I think, unless it’s a testing ground for weapons. Hopefully I won’t pick the testing ground.

Yes, I would…with the knowledge of my death after 20 years of great happiness, I think I would have enough time to prepare for it. If it’s a full 20 years of extraordinary happiness, then I shouldn’t feel too sad when the end is near. I would most likely be happy to have had the experience. I don’t think anyone can truly say that they’d had 20 years worth of extraordinary happiness and fulfillment in their lives. No one is constantly happy. And it would be really interesting to be experiencing the impossible.

Nothing comes to mind. I guess I should say…the fact that I haven’t murdered anyone yet. I would have thought that as angry as I’ve gotten in the past, that I would have already stabbed someone to death. Miraculously that has not happened yet. I am not saying it never will…everyone has their limits…I know I’ve come close to it quite a few times. There are a lot of things that I hope to do in the future that might be considered better than not having killed someone. Maybe…get away with having done it? Not really. I think I hope to sometime get over my lack of focus and use all my art supplies before buying more. Considering how I am now, that would be a great accomplishment.

I don’t really have a dream I consider most enjoyable. Sadly, the better dreams are easily forgotten upon waking up. I would remember when I woke up that they were nice dreams but have only the vaguest memories of them for a short time. As for my worst nightmare, it would be the one where I shifted between 2 characters. It was set in medieval times or something like it. We were in a tower. There were 2 females, good friends, or maybe twins. One of them was engaged to a good man, probably a prince. The scene started in a room with a long dining table and a big stained glass window. In the next room, for some reason, there was a wooden coffin, surrounded with a lot of white roses. Then suddenly one was dead and in the coffin, and I was that girl. The other bent to kiss her and we exchanged places so she was trapped in the coffin. Her fiancé came and thought I was her. At this point I shifted to being the girl in the coffin and I shook the coffin as hard as I could to get the man’s attention. He found out, and then I shifted again to the bad female. He was furious and then he started to charge at me. I ran towards the window and ran right into it. It broke and I started falling. The falling wasn’t really scary. I was just watching the ground come closer. Then there was nothing. It was black and very quiet. I guess at that time, the bad female died. Shaking the coffin was actually scarier than the fall.

Heck, yeah! I always did say that if we didn’t need sleep to recharge, I would gladly skip it. I obviously do not feel that I have enough time. There are just so many things to learn and do, and not a long enough life. What would give me the feelling of having enough time? Realistically, maybe if I didn’t have to work to earn money, then I’d have time to do all the things I want to do. Well, that’s as close to realistic as I can get. But that pill that will allow me to recharge with one hour of sleep would be wonderful. My attitude about time…it just seems that the older I get the faster it goes and I never seem to have accomplished enough by the end of the year. I hear it gets worse in time. That must be the worst thing about getting older.

My first impulse is to say “painting” but there’s hardly any painter that gets famous and whose paintings get sold for a lot of money while still alive. I would say “computer sciences” since that seems to be the most lucrative area at this time. I would love to come up with something that everyone will use…be the next Bill Gates without all the hatred from disgruntled Windows users. And no, I wouldn’t put in the effort if there’s less than half the chance I’d be so successful. I’m there already, why exert effort to get nowhere?