How good it feels

August 19, 2006 by annadulcekelly.

…to know that I have control over something.

I like having the choice to take away from those who don’t deserve.  I like having the choice of whether to share or not.  I doubt that the people concerned even know that I have such control.  In a way that’s good.  It makes less trouble for me.  On the other hand, there is a side of me that wants them to know it’s me that turns it on and off, that gives and takes away.  I guess later on they will realize that I do have that control.  They will figure out that when I think they’re abusing my generosity (considering that I like none of them) I take away from them.  I don’t care either way.  I might even be overestimating them.  Maybe they won’t figure it out.  Who knows, who cares?

I don’t see the sense in sharing with them when they’re not here.  I don’t see the sense in wasting it on no one.  I will share when they’re here and only if they’re using in moderation.  Otherwise I’ll keep it to myself.  They can complain all they want but it would be better for them to resign themselves to the fact that it’s not up to them.  The sooner they do that the easier it will be for them.  But I doubt they will, because they weren’t raised that way.  It’s such a pity.  But it’s not my problem.

I have made sure that they can’t turn the tables on me on this.  they wouldn’t know how anyway.  They’re not that smart.  They’re not that patient.  They’re not that interested.  I don’t care.  In a way that is an advantage.

Well, that’s all for now.  Those who can’t figure this out don’t know squat about what I’m talking about.  That is of no concern to me.  Those who know what I am talking about will get it.  Yes, I am gloating.  And I’m not one bit sorry about it.

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