Inner Voice

October 23, 2006 by annadulcekelly.

I guess some people are just born without it, or maybe they’ve suppressed it so long that it disappeared altogether.  Never mind that shutting up and keeping it inside half the time would save them trouble or keep them out of an argument that they KNOW isn’t going anywhere.

 I just don’t see the point in drawing out a discussion that no one is going to win.  Why bother when you know going in that no one wants to change their opinion, that no one will want to be the first to shut up, that everyone thinks that the last person to say something wins?  Why bother?  It’s pointless, it’s a total waste of time and energy and it does absolutely no good.

I don’t set out doing things that I know are going to benefit someone somewhere.  I just don’t see the point in disturbing what little peace is there.  I just don’t see why there has to be an argument about everything.  I just don’t see why people seem to think that freedom of speech means freedom to yap to the point of annoying everyone around you.  I heard that any form of freedom has some degree of responsibility attached to it.  I don’t think everyone thinks the same way.

I am all for the sharing of ideas.  Don’t get me wrong.  But I’m also all for diplomacy or tact.  I’m all for knowing when to shut up.  I’m all for avoiding a pointless argument whenever possible.

I find though that when few people around me think and act the same way as me, I use my inner voice less as a result.  It’s an ugly result of an ugly situation.  I’m trying to stay the same, but it’s just so hard with everyone else’s rantings pounding in my ears.  I don’t know how many times I’ve mentioned “inner voice” in the last 2 days.  I guess I’m getting to the point of not caring about tact anymore.  I could have said so many hurtful things before but I’ve avoided doing that.  What I have to say might be true and maybe the person I’m talking with needs to hear it, but I try not to be hurtful.  I am now thinking it’s time to be hurtful, if just to be frank.

I have told DH just today that if he used his inner voice half the time, life would be nicer all around.  He asked me if he could do something, I said no, and he did it anyway.  So then I told him, it’s funny how you complain about other people not listening to you, you don’t listen too well either.  In both cases he had nothing to say.  I think he should be careful around me now.  I have thoughts that have been fermenting in my brain for years now.  I have polished them to the point of probably not stuttering when I finally say them out loud.  I still am saying them in a really nice way.  I haven’t resorted to a lot of swearing or yelling.  By watching DH I dare say those tactics are highly ineffective.

It just doesn’t hurt to shut up more than usual.  It might not feel good sometimes but one has to think outside oneself.  Well, at least that’s what I was taught.  It would seem to me a whole bunch of people were absent from school when that subject came up.

America…wonderful country…yeah, right…let me guess, that’s according to people who have never been out of America.  Yeah, that sounds about right…it figures.  Tunnel vision.  And yes, I’m not using my inner voice right now.  It doesn’t really matter, people don’t only know how to use the inner voice, they are strangely talented at ignoring what other people are saying, especially if it makes sense.  Yeah, open your mouths wide…shut your ears…that’s America for you.

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