An Open Letter To The Princess…

June 19, 2007 by annadulcekelly.

I have never met anyone as disgusting as you.  And it is amazing to me that the most disgusting person I know is female.  I would have expected a lot of males to be yuckier, but no, you take the cake.

I don’t know why you think you’re so special that you shouldn’t have to bring up your dirty dishes, or even gather them up in one place.  I don’t know how you can sleep knowing that a few feet away from you there are cups with now unidentifiable liquids in them, with green fuzzy mold growing on top of whatever it was that you left in them.  I don’t know how you can walk around in your room with forks and spoons scattered around on the floor, under your clothes.  I am quite surprised that you haven’t had forks pierce your soles yet.

I would think that an honor student like you has standards and expectations, since in school you have to be just about perfect.  Or is this some sort of reciprocation…you have to be perfect in school, so you have to be very lousy at home, just to balance it out?

God help you if you end up having a mother-in-law who likes the house neat.  She would wonder why the heck her son married such a slob.

You can’t even take time out to do your laundry every week.  But you have all the time in the world to socialize.  For someone who’s supposedly smart, you sure can’t weigh your priorities right.  Heck, you can’t even get your laundry together in a decent pile in the laundry room.  You piled them in the bathroom, and then for some reason you thought it would be better to move that pile to the living room.  And with dirty underwear on top too.  How disgusting is that?  If you thought it was your dad who took all of that and tossed it in your room, you’re sadly mistaken.  It was me.  I couldn’t stand it, and it was so obviously the wrong place for dirty laundry anyway.  I would have expected you to have the brains to know that…but then again I wasn’t the one who said you’re smart in the first place.

You probably wouldn’t have straightened out your room if I hadn’t done that.  I’m sure you had trouble remembering which clothes on the floor were clean and which weren’t…except for your dirty underwear.  Have you never heard of pantyliners?  Oh, and while we’re on this topic, you really should save those little plastic packets your tampons came in, so you can dispose of the used product without displaying it to anyone who uses the bathroom.  Also, don’t leave them on the side of the tub.  There’s nothing more disgusting than finding some other female’s used feminine products.

And when you straightened your room, you actually found most of the dirty dishes you had, and you had them in 3 piles.  What boggles me is that with all the subsequent trips up to the kitchen, you never bothered to bring any of those up.  Maybe you didn’t want to deal with the vomit-inducing smell, especially since you know you’re expected to rinse those things out.  Well, if you’d just bring up your dirty dishes when you’re done with them or when you go to the kitchen to prepare another meal, maybe you won’t have to deal with it.  I didn’t think that takes a lot to figure out.

You’re dumb.  I don’t care what people say.  You ARE dumb.

Also, I probably shouldn’t have picked up your iPod Nano when I saw it out on the street.  It was bound to get lost anyway, like it’s lost again now.  I should have let you drive over it.  You don’t deserve anything so expensive.  You can’t take care of them.  You waited to get one for so long and yet you didn’t treasure it, obviously.  Amazing.

I could go on about what an ungrateful bitch you are, but I won’t.  You won’t understand anyway…you’re not that smart.

I hope you marry someone rich who won’t object to having maids.  God knows you are no good around the house.  Let’s just hope you have other skills so you can at least make your husband happy somehow…especially with how you’re going to be squandering what money he has.  I hope you never have kids.  If you can’t take care of a cat, you won’t be able to take care of a kid.  And it’s not like you got such a good example in your own mother anyway.

I am just glad I’m not your mother.  I would have drowned you a long time ago…I would have gone to jail for it, but I would’ve been happy to know that I saved the world from you.

Posted in Main | No Comments »