I will apologize in the manner that is most commonly used in this house, mostly by you.
I AM SORRY…
– that your dad spoiled you so much you don’t know the definition of gratitude
– that you’ll never be happy no matter how much stuff you buy for yourself
– that Paul will definitely have to be a doctor and bust his ass to support your extravagant habits
– that for some reason you think you don’t need anything from your dad and he doesn’t buy anything for you, and yet you have no problem wasting things he bought for everyone’s use
– that you keep saying things that you can’t really stick to…like saying your dad will never have to pay for anything for you anymore…yeah, well, who are you going to turn to when it’s time for that big lavish wedding you imagined for yourself?
– that your credit rating will probably be much worse than your dad’s…which is worse than mine
– that you think life in this house is chaotic…although I’m positive the chaos will pretty much go away when you go off to college
– that you see it fit to criticize your dad for his drinking…not even stopping to wonder if maybe he’s drinking more because of you
– that your roommates will probably grow to hate you for being such a disgusting slob of a female
– that your younger brother will probably grow up way before you ever do, if you actually ever do
– that you think I’d be so petty and stupid as to scratch your car, right when I’m taking the dog out…yes, I’d like all suspicion to fall on me, please
– that you can’t take care of yourself enough not to be injured or sick enough to cost so much money to heal, and that you and your mom agreed to pay a third of your medical bills
– that you’re busting your ass to earn money when you probably could have gotten a cushy office job somewhere if you just put more effort into looking for a good job, oh great honor student and star athlete
– that you now claim you’ve been forced to work since you were 11, never mind the fact that you resented that I took over some of the jobs you wanted for yourself
– that you now claim you were forced to play sports so you can get a sports scholarship in college, never mind that it was always your idea to go to all those costly summer basketball camps
– that you had no choice but to play basketball in your senior year because they made you captain, never mind that all human beings were given free will and can choose to do what they want to do
– that your dad wasted money on your trips to London, Paris and Costa Rica when the money could have been used for house repairs or something else that would have benefited more people…more grateful people
– that you think the term “mail-order bride” automatically has a negative connotation, and that you don’t really know the meaning of the term (and consequently don’t know that I am not a mail-order bride)
– that you haven’t realized yet that I am a far better wife than your mother ever was and this marriage will last longer than any your mother ever had or will have
– that you just can’t bear it that I do make your dad happy and he turns to me when you’re being bitchy
– that even your grandparents are disgusted with the way you are acting right now
– that you have your own version of reality and it doesn’t really match up with what’s happening around you
– that you made your mother the most perfect center of your universe and now your world is imploding
– that it turns out your mother doesn’t love you as much as you thought she did, and that she’s leaving you behind YET AGAIN
– that you’re so deeply in denial you can’t bring yourself to get mad at your mother and keep lashing out at your dad for pointing out all your mother’s flaws
– that for as much as you hate your dad and me, you can’t bring yourself to move out and live with your perfect mother, at least for the few months left before she abandons you again
– that you will keep expecting your mother to keep her word…and keep getting disappointed…pretty much like her and her mother
– that you are turning out to be as wonderful as your mother…who is turning out to be as wonderful as her mother…I know how much you idolize your maternal grandmother
– that your mother will most probably not pay much attention to you after she has another baby and another chance to have a child she can turn into a star and live off of
– that with all your accomplishments you are one INSECURE person and will always be, because you have always believed your mom when she said image was everything…deep inside you know you need more to back that image up
– that you’ll never have your own mind, that you’re easily influenced by the people around you, and that you will always be lost because the people around you will keep on changing and you’ll just keep on grasping at straws
– that you are just not worth the time, energy or money spent on you, and I’m glad I didn’t contribute much to that
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